What's Going On...

Election Day in Boston

I didn't mean to take such a long break from the blog. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the stuff of life and have so much to do that it becomes difficult to do anything. On election night, I watched the results come in, and once the tide started to turn in an unexpected direction, I simply couldn't look away. We stayed up too late, until just before the final call was made - I couldn't watch that. Following the election, I became very engaged online and watching the news, and after a while I realized that I had to turn it all off. It became too much. The initial shock and disappointment has worn off, but I am still overwhelmed by the number of articles and opinions hitting my feeds every day.  

It's impossible to avoid the news, and it's still necessary to remain engaged. I am incredibly saddened by the events occurring in my country right now, including acts occurring in my own town. If it's happening here, in the bluest of blue states, what must it be like for people in other parts of the country? So I will speak up more. I will do what I can to encourage tolerance and understanding. I'm honestly saddened by the voices on both sides right now - it feels like we're pushing each other to our corners rather than listening to each other. I hope that will change. I don't want these current despicable actions to become normalized, but I do want things to calm down enough for us to hear each other. 

I had to explain to my kids who our next President will be and answer their questions. Then I donated to the ACLU and Planned Parenthood, called my state representatives, signed up to provide a Thanksgiving meal to a family in need, and attended a peace rally in my town. Doing something positive made me feel better, and I want to show my children that what we do as individuals matters. I'd encourage everyone to do the same.  

It's Close to Midnight...

I've had this blog post sitting in my drafts folder for over a week now. I'm struggling with putting my thoughts into words for some reason. I have nothing profound to say, but I can't seem to calm my mind long enough to organize my thoughts. (Is this a symptom of technology addiction? Or of busyness? Whatever it is, I don't like it. I am feeling the need to head out into the woods in solitude.) So I'm just going to write as if I'm talking to a friend. If it's incoherent, well...a friend would laugh and then forgive me. 

Last week, I was walking through downtown Boston, heading from my office to meet with a client, and I was all dressed up in a suit and looking very cute and professional, if I do say so myself. It was a gorgeous and warm September day, and it felt great to be walking outside, even in heels. I looked around at the people in the Boston Common - it's as good a place to people-watch as the airport, maybe better. There were parents with kids, students, homeless people, older people taking power walks and doing tai chi and painting, and other professionals like me, walking quickly in business attire. It made me think about how I wish I interacted more with people who are different from me. It also made me think about how I must look to those around me - a professional woman in her forties. Is that me?  I suppose it is, but it somehow often surprises me to realize it nonetheless. There are definitely times when I can own it, and other times I feel like I'm faking it. I feel more comfortable dancing like an idiot with friends, trying to remember the dance moves to 'Thriller'. Does everyone feel this way? I am sure the answer must be yes. Right?

Meanwhile, outside of work, we've all been way too busy, with soccer and baseball games and birthday parties and fun with friends. (Seriously, though - dancing with friends to all our 80's favorites? A really good time.) It's all been great fun, but it has left us tired and craving time to be still, to contemplate, to sit on the couch and watch movies we've seen 100 times before. This weekend, we still have soccer and baseball, but our Saturday night is wide open. The couch beckons. 

I'm just going to leave this right here...

Taking Stock - September 2016

Saturday mornings

Watching - Lots of soccer and baseball. Saturday soccer, Sunday baseball. I love watching my boys play.
Wearing - Dresses. I've been taking advantage of the warm weather by baring my legs more often. I know that boots and sweater weather is on its way. This may be the most comfortable dress I've ever owned. 
Loving - Our Halloween costumes. Yes, I already have them. I'm a planner, and it's fun to get excited. 
Eating - Salads every day at lunch. Small dinners. Ice cream. Raisin toast most mornings for breakfast - I'd like to have a healthier option there. I don't like overnight oats, but maybe there's a slow-cooker option that would make sense to try over the winter? Any of you have a suggestion?
Listening - A couple nights ago, Aaron asked me who Bruce Springsteen was. I sighed and realized that I am failing as a parent. We've been playing Bruce since then. Also - Letters to Cleo has a new album coming out, and we have tickets to see them next month (yay!). And a decent amount of Sleater-Kinney, inspired by my reading of Carrie Brownstein's book.
Wanting -  Sweaters. It's almost sweater weather! 
Reading - I will do a Recently Read post again soon. I just started The Life Intended.
Enjoying - My morning yoga. I've started to fall out of habit again, and I'm not sure how much I will be able to keep it up, but I love it so much. 
Drinking - A lot of water. I'm finally back in the habit of carrying my water bottle around at work. It's amazing how much more I drink when I bring it. 
Thinking - That I'd like our election to be over. It feels so terrible that nobody is happy with our choices this year. In previous years, I always had an opinion, but I wasn't scared if it didn't go my way. This time, I'm legitimately afraid. And not all that excited the other way either. 
Appreciating - My new sitter. In addition to watching the boys after school, she is also helping me out around the house. She's wonderful, the boys like her, and I hope she stays for a long time. 
Planning - School-year activities. I have most registrations complete, and the calendar updated. Baseball, soccer, piano, drums (!).  I need to update the calendar with the school events, and then I can start thinking about the next vacation. And of course the holidays are rapidly approaching. SO much planning this time of year!
Feeling - A little anxious. I start at a new client next week. New relationships, new commute, new project... Lots of newness can intimidate me. 
Working - At being more patient. When I'm going through a change, I lose patience much more easily. I have to remind myself that the boys are going through a transition too - new teachers, new processes, new classmates, new teammates... We all need to allow ourselves time to settle in.
Wondering - When we can go see a movie in the theater again. This is the time of year that good movies start coming out. I know I want to see this one.
Finishing - Stranger Things. Such a fabulous blend of X-Files sci-fi weirdness and 80s nostalgia. The kids make the show - but Winona Ryder is pretty fun to see, too. It's very fun. 

Stranger Things

Life Lately...

Skiing.

Laughing.

Braving the elements.  Cold, snowy days didn't keep us inside.  

Marveling at the view from the top.  

Feeling grateful we got that warm, gorgeous day.

Watching my boys glide down the slopes.  Aaron loves looking for jumps and trails in the trees.  Nathan has improved dramatically this season and is now fully independent.  His favorite trail had a relatively flat, narrow part through the trees, and there were no other skiers around.  He said he loved it because he could ski and have quiet time.  I love that.

Spending time with the best of friends.  

Taking a break from the normal home routines.

Watching the Olympics.

Enjoying a night out.

Relaxing in the hot tub each evening, appreciating the view of the mountain.

Reading.  Thinking.  Wondering.  Feeling.

Savoring those rare quiet moments.

Soaking in all the awesomeness of my boys.

Preparing myself to re-enter those home routines. 

Attending birthday parties.  

Getting together with more friends.  

Laundry, laundry, laundry.

Feeling happy.

Being grateful.  

Living.

What's Going On...

Laura Marling lyrics

January can be a strange month.  On one hand, I enjoy the fresh start of a new year, the peacefulness and quiet after the noisy fun chaos that is December.  I like snowy days and skiing, and I'm usually motivated to clean and organize.  I schedule date nights and gatherings with friends, and I start looking forward to summer by making vacation plans.  On the other hand, sometimes these cold and gray days make me want to do nothing except curl up in front of a fireplace with a good book.  

I guess I've been doing some of both.  I've been reading a lot, and I've been somewhat unmotivated to move through my list.  I've craved silence and solitude.  But then I have other days when I manage to get a lot done.  I suppose that's a decent balance.  

Lady Mary.  Source unknown.

So what have I been doing lately?  Well, last weekend was a good one.  We got a full day of skiing in on Saturday, and Nathan is officially an independent skier now.  Yay!  I must say...I love having an activity that all four of us can do together.  Watching the boys go down the slopes, side by side, is a joy.  And I also love that it has completely changed my perspective on winter.  I still hate it when it gets too cold, as it has been a lot lately, but I enjoy snowstorms more than ever.  

We also spent an afternoon/evening with friends.  The boys played, and the adults enjoyed good conversation.  It was a lot of fun, and a reminder that time spent with friends is time well spent.  

Yoga!  Kevin got me a gift certificate to a local yoga studio for Christmas, and I signed up for an introductory month.  It's hot yoga, which I haven't always liked, so I wanted to try out a few of the classes.  I've been going about three times a week, and I am loving it.  My shoulders feel strong, I find myself sitting up straighter, and I haven't had any jaw/neck pain at all.  (That's where I carry stress, so to live without tightness or pain there is a wonder.)  

Downton Abbey is back...thank you to the Europeans for not publishing any spoilers.  I'm so happy it looks like Lady Mary isn't going to stay mopey and sad for too long.  We also recently finished season 2 of Homeland, and unfortunately, it's been impossible to avoid hearing details about season 3.  Is it still worth watching?  I hope so - I guess we'll see.  

Otherwise...dreaming of future house decorating projects, filling out school forms, making those vacation plans, buying lift tickets, practicing my guitar, sitting with the boys as they make their valentines, and the usual cleaning and cooking routine that serves as the overall outline for my days.  

something about this house, this color.  stunning.  source unknown.

Seven

photo by Kate Eden Renyi

My baby is seven.  Wow.  I love having the opportunity to celebrate him and to think about the cool kid he has become.  Here are a few things I want to remember about Aaron at seven.

1.  His favorite color is now green.  Just like me.
2.  His favorite food is still seafood.  When going out to eat, he asks that we choose a restaurant that serves clam chowder.
3.  He hates carrots with a vengeance.
4.  His favorite TV show is Wild Kratts, although I also introduced him to Looney Tunes this year.  He'd watch that every day if I let him.
5.  He has three pairs of pants that he will wear.  Comfortable, lined pants.  He won't wear jeans unless forced.
6.  He still thankfully loves school and is enjoying first grade.  He has aced every spelling test so far, and he likes doing extra equations on his homework.
7.  His best friends are girls.
8.  He started piano lessons this Fall and he loves it.  He has asked if he can take lessons every day.  He plays every day, and he is very excited whenever he learns a new song.
9.  He stays up way too late, sometimes later than me.  I tell him to go to sleep, but I can still hear the click of his flashlight and the flipping of the pages.  I have to wake him up almost every morning.  (Weekends are nice!)
10.  He loves his little brother, and he loves teaching him things.  He sometimes forgets that I am in charge, though.
11.  He still loves art, especially painting.  Lately, he has liked painting rockets, solar systems, and christmas trees, and he still loves making patterns, using different color combinations.  I love watching his creative mind work.
12.  He loves legos, magna-tiles, and his marble run.  He loves building things, seeing how things work.
13.  He finally learned how to swim, and after months of lessons, he's swimming underwater now as well.  Yay!
14.  He still gives me a big hug when I pick him up at school, and it's not rare that he'll crawl onto my lap to snuggle.  He gives the best hugs.
15.  He wants to be a baseball player when he grows up.

Happy Birthday, my sweet and gorgeous boy.

What's Going On...

Picture via Better Homes and Gardens

I've reached the end of another week.  After a gloomy and, let's be honest, kinda grumpy weekend, I was able to pull myself back together to enjoy a good week.  I'm now pretty settled into my life at home, and I've determined that I have to have that "to-do" list ready for the week.  Checking items off the weekly list, along with the regular tasks of exercising every morning, packing lunches, helping with homework, attending swim/piano classes, reading every night...this is how I continue to have the feeling of accomplishment at the end of every day.  I think about trying to balance it all with working and I feel my blood pressure rise.  I am so grateful for this time to focus on life at home and with my boys, and I never take it for granted.

via Pinterest - source unknown

We're transitioning to cooler weather, and although I enjoy the process of pulling out my sweaters and wearing jeans every day, my boys have a harder time with it.  They don't want to let go of their shorts and sandals.  Aaron finally caved and decided to wear pants on a particularly chilly morning, but Nathan is clinging to his shorts and refuses to acknowledge the fact that Summer is over.  I figure he'll complain once he really gets cold.  Maybe with the first snow?  Anyway, I think there are more important things to fight about.  

In the meantime, the boys ask me at least a couple times a week when we are going skiing.  I think I need to help them appreciate the beauty of Fall.  Apple-picking (and pie!) is on the agenda for the weekend.

We're still working on details, but now that the living room has come together, we're shifting our focus to the family room.  We moved our old sofa and chair into this room, and we've realized that our current furniture doesn't quite work.   We're going to sell them and get a sectional, replace the old wobbly coffee table we've had for 13 years, and maybe get one more thing for the walls.  It's a fun project to have.

via Pinterest - source unknown

We have friends coming to visit for the weekend, and I can't wait.  They are good for my soul.  We are even going out tomorrow night, leaving four kids with a sitter.  Woo!  

The Red Sox are in the championship series!  

Speaking of baseball, Aaron had requested a baseball party for his birthday.  Then he realized that most of his friends are girls, and he's thinking they might not like a baseball party.  What's a boy (and his mom!) to do...  

Half of my to-do list consists of organizing and cleaning tasks around the house.  Not the everyday stuff, but things like taking everything out of the linen closet, folding, cleaning, and putting it all back.  I am oddly happy doing these kinds of activities and so incredibly satisfied when they're done.

We attended a charity walk last night in Boston with my husband's company.  It was to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  We brought the boys with us and enjoyed the walk around the Boston Common.  I also enjoyed the thoughtful questions posed and comments made by Aaron, including, "What is cancer?  Do kids get cancer too?  What are they going to do with the money we raise tonight?"  His last comment was a little painful..."I hope I never get cancer."  Well me too, little man, me too.  

I am starting to think about holiday menus.  I need a fabulous dessert recipe for the bake-off.  Got any ideas for me?

I have a coffee get-together with a group of the moms from Nathan's preschool next week.  I know at least a few of the women now, and yet I'm still dreading it.  I will go, though, and it will be good.  I know this and yet...

via Pinterest - source unknown

Trick Question...

Day 11 of Blogtember:  A memory you would love to relive.

This one is fun, but it really is a trick question, isn't it?  I mean, I loved thinking back to some of my best memories, but how could I possibly choose just one that I'd like to relive?  

My first thought was of our trip to St. John.  Sitting on an empty beach with Kevin - the above picture was our view.  I'd certainly do that again, but I think perhaps the fact that it's a little chilly today makes me simply long for a warm sunny beach.  Would I really choose to relive that day over another?  My mind continues down a long playlist of happy moments...

Talking about football and religion with my dad.  Sitting in the grass watching Pearl Jam with Kevin. Singing around a bonfire with my extended family.  Sitting around the dinner table with Kevin and the boys.  The first time he said "I love you".  The moment we said "I do."  Listening to my Uncle Bob tell "The Man with the Golden Arm" at the lake.  Sitting on a beach in Kauai with Kevin.  Eating gelato in Florence with Dawn, Francesc, Kevin and the boys.  Driving to the beach with my best friends in high school.  Watching shooting stars in my dad's front yard with Emily, Christine, and Mary.  Doing a crossword puzzle with Kevin in Washington Square park in San Francisco.  Dancing to Dave Matthews Band at a college frat party with friends my senior year of high school.  Roller skating with my mom around Greenfield Lake.  Walking to the candy store with my cousins and picking out penny candy.  Eating snails and drinking too much wine in Paris with Dawn.  The first day of my honeymoon.  Seeing Aaron's smile from his crib as I walked into his room in the morning.  Watching him play his first baseball game.  Or rock the hula hoop.  Getting my first "best hug ever" from Nathan.    Watching him run.  One of our many dance parties with the boys.  

I could go on like this all day.  I'm working to make my life one moment after another, so while it's fun to look back every now and then, I wouldn't want to go back.  I might miss something.  

The Dog Days...

For the first time in what feels like a really long time, I'm in a funk.  For the past several days, I've been on edge, and I'm not even really sure why.  I guess life ebbs and flows like that sometimes.  I found myself getting more frustrated with people than necessary, uncomfortable in social situations, and overall I think maybe just a bit bored.  

It wasn't a bad weekend.  We played baseball, grilled dinner, picked veggies from the garden.  We visited an old high school friend of Kevin's on Sunday.  He and his family have a house on a lake, so we hung out, took the boys for rides on the boat.  It was a really lovely day, but I just couldn't relax and enjoy it for some reason.  

The climax of the negativity occurred on Sunday evening, when I accidentally left a potholder too close to the stovetop.  It caught on fire, burning an ugly spot on our not-even-one-year-old island countertop.  I wanted to cry.  I actually woke up at four o'clock this morning, stressed about it and unable to go back to sleep.  I will keep it in perspective, I promise.  However, this type of house stuff hanging over my head is a source of stress I had hoped was mostly behind me.  (Also still battling a floor issue, we have doors that need to be hung and painted, and these ridiculously hot and muggy weeks have Kevin determined to investigate central air conditioning.)

So now I take a deep breath and look forward to a new week.  We have more fun plans coming up, so I will plan for those and look forward to them.  I'm going to reach out to friends, continue exercising every day, drink lots of water (and delicious homemade lemon-limeade!), eat healthy lunches with those veggies from the garden, read good books, and relish the fact that I get to hang out with my boys and play during the day.  It's all good.

It's a Small World...

For the first phase of my career, I was traveling nearly full-time as a consultant.  I spent time in cities across the country - St. Louis, Atlanta, Seattle, Chicago, Dallas, New York, San Francisco...  I even had the opportunity to spend a month in Sydney!  I had more frequent flier miles and hotel points than I knew what to do with - every vacation I took included a free flight and hotel room.  It was a bonus that was well-deserved, given the toll that travel takes after a while.

As a result of that phase of life, I have friends in every corner of the country.  I met some extraordinary people and got a chance to see places I might not have otherwise.  I also learned a great deal and had a lot of fun.  However, I did eventually burn out and make a change, accepting a job that would allow me to establish a life in Boston.

I remember adjusting to that change.  Being home long enough to buy a full gallon of milk, take the trash out on the actual trash day, join a gym, meet up with friends after work on a weekday, take some classes I'd long wanted to take...  It was an adjustment, but it was a good one.  I started to feel like I really lived in Boston rather than just having a Boston address.

This past year, my world has shrunk yet again.  I am in the suburbs now, and I no longer have the daily commute to the city.  I don't get a chance to go out after work, and getting together with friends from different areas requires some planning.  Most days, I travel about two miles - to and from school, and maybe to the grocery store.  My world has become small, and I've realized that this can be a wonderful thing.  I feel more a part of my community than ever.  I see people I know all the time.  Getting together with local friends is easy, and impromptu gatherings are a possibility.  I used to lament the fact that I had a hard time meeting friends, and now our social calendar fills up as quickly as we want it to.

I had fun during those other phases of life.  I sometimes miss my traveling days, and certainly having to pay for flights and hotel rooms is a drag.  I'm happy I got to experience it.  Mostly, though, I'm happy those days are behind me.  I'm creating more than just a life for me - I'm also establishing a home for my family.  A place where we all feel connected.  After my long journey, I've learned that small can be beautiful.

Me in Sydney

A Few Links

by liz rusby via flickr

I stumbled across some really great stuff online this week...

Why 43% of Women With Children Leave Their Jobs, And How To Get Them Back.  I thought this was a really interesting article, and a lot of the points resonated with me.  I haven't even been out of the workforce a year, and I don't plan on staying out for too long, but the question of what I can do while still balancing my family life is one that weighs heavy on my mind.

Johnny Marr performing The Smiths' "How Soon is Now?" on Jimmy Fallon.  Just for fun, because I am and always will be a fan of The Smiths.

Enjoy a flight over Africa while Listening to the music from Out of Africa.  Very random, but it's so pretty.  Even if all you do is play the music.

What Nobody Remembers About New Motherhood.  Do any of you feel this way?  I know so many people say that we forget the hard parts, so perhaps it's still too recent for me.  I can recall very vividly the pain of childbirth, and the exhaustion I felt those first few months.  I remember very well how hard some of those weeks were when I was low on sleep, dealing with a sick baby, and still having to go to work.  I also remember how my babies smelled (is there any smell in the world better than a clean baby?), how sweet those 2AM nursing sessions were, and how it felt when they squeezed my fingers with their chubby little hands.  And of course I know how amazing they are now.  But when a new mom tells me how exhausted she is, I absolutely understand and remember it all.

I am in total agreement with Joanna Goddard on this one.  And if you haven't watched New Girl yet, you should.

Indian Man Single-Handedly Plants a 1360-acre Forest.  This is just awesome, and it got me thinking about what my legacy will be.  A heavy topic for another day...

Life Lessons with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.  Yes, sort of random too, but don't dismiss it just because it's written by a former basketball player.  It's a really great list!

Whoah!  Did I just publish three posts in a single day?  Crazy.  

Things That Make Me Feel Young

photo by Natasha Calhoun

Okay, so I'm 39 now.  I'm okay with this.  I thought I would follow up this list with its opposite - a few of the things that make me feel young:

1.  Yoga.  I am not an expert, but I can hold my own; and as I leave a class, I walk a little taller and breathe a little deeper.

2.  Some of the bands I listen to are led by young people, but I love that so many of my favorites are those that are aging like me and continuing to make great music.  Pearl Jam, Kristin Hersh, Ryan Adams, The Decemberists, Susan Tedeschi, Josh Ritter, Juliana Hatfield, Patty Griffin, Sera Cahoone, Tift Merritt, Wild Flag...

3.  Skiing.  Gliding down the mountain, with a cool breeze in my face.  I feel light, and happy, and young.

4.  Hanging out with my mom.  Because she's a little older than me, and she's still rocking it.  She rides her bike, takes long walks, gardens, does yoga...  It feels good to walk in her footsteps and to have such a beautiful example of how to age with grace.

5.  Tickle sessions with my kids.  Rolling around on the floor making two little boys gasp for air as they laugh is the best.

6.  Being at the beach.  Maybe it's the sun, or the sand, or cooling off in the water on a hot summer's day, or maybe it's the stop at the ice cream stand, or the memories of childhood trips.  Whatever it is, the beach never fails to make me feel young.

7.  Playing a new album all the way through and reading the lyrics.

8.  Watching my kids grow up and experiencing their childhoods along with them.  It's like getting to go through it all over again.  I get to eat popsicles, run through sprinklers, watch cartoons, read fun books, eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, create paintings...

9.  Driving with the windows down.

10.  My shoulders.  I like my shoulders.  They're strong and have always served me well.

11.  Nice compliments from friends (or strangers!).  Like the comment my lovely friend Sara left about my skin.  At first I'm thinking "My skin?  You should see my forehead right now!  And the amount my eyelids have started to droop in the last year."  But then I think, "How nice!"

12.  Watching the stars.  I can stare at the night sky and feel 12 again.  It always makes me feel small and huge and magnificent.

Things That Make Me Feel Old

I'm turning 39 next week.  In celebration of getting older, I made a list of a few of the things that make me feel old.  There is the opposite list, of course - things that make me feel young.  Perhaps I'll do that next.  This is not a negative list.  Growing older is fun and weird and interesting, and it happens to all of us.  It's okay to notice those changes along the way.

1.  I get confused when articles and people refer to JT.  To me, JT is James Taylor, and I'm pretty sure he'd never write a song called "SexyBack".

2.  Harlem Shakes is what now?  I don't watch reality TV.  The only American Idols I know are Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood.  I have absolutely no idea why the Kardashians are famous.  I'm a little upset I know their name at all.  But it does make me feel better to know that I don't care, so please, nobody fill me in.

3.  I watch sporting events and realize I could be the mother of most of the athletes.  The Olympics are the worst!

4.  Learning new things is the best part of growing older.  Continuing to gather knowledge, of all kinds.  And learning something new, whether it's how to cook with a different ingredient, play a new song on the guitar, the meaning of a word, or a piece of history, never fails to make me feel just a little bit more grown-up.

5.  The physical parts of getting older.  This could be a long list.  Gray hair, wrinkles, creaky knees...

6.  Conversations about taxes, insurance, and retirement.

7.  Those signs at the liquor store that say "If you were born after XX/XX/XX, you cannot purchase alcohol."  They say 1992 on them now!  That's when I graduated high school!

8.  Little reminders about how long ago events happened.  The ones that loom large in my memory.  How long it's been since The Challenger exploded (27 years).  Since Kurt Cobain died (17 years).  Since Friends went off the air (8 years).  9/11/2001.

9.  Anything from the 80s.  Madonna, Duran Duran, Rubik's Cubes, candy cigarettes, School House Rock, Simon, walking to school by yourself, Kirk Cameron, cassette tapes, General Hospital, Ghostbusters, Private Benjamin, Ferris Bueller, all John Hughes movies...

10.  Not getting carded.  And then thinking about how exciting it was to turn 21.  And then thinking about how long ago that was.

Spending Time...

photo by Scott McFadyen

I've been at home for a while now, and I feel like I'm finally at ease with my new routine.  At first, it was a harder transition than I expected.  I found that there were parts of my working life that I missed - adult conversation, quiet alone time, using my brain to solve work problems...   I must also admit that being with the kids for longer periods of time is wonderful in so many ways, but it can also be challenging.  I needed to take a step back and re-learn how to prepare myself for each week.

The other thing I noticed was that there was all of a sudden so much time!  I started asking myself, "What do I want to get out of each day?" and "How do I ensure that I'm taking care of myself in addition to my family?".  Little by little, I started figuring it out.

I now begin every weekday with a large glass of water and exercise.  I've been focused on improving the food we are eating - I'm cooking every day, trying new meals, increasing our veggies, making more homemade.  I eat a nice, big, relaxed lunch.  It's an entertaining lunch, too, usually involving conversations about superheroes with Nathan.  I'm (mostly) going to bed earlier and getting enough sleep.  This is huge.  I spend time every day cleaning part of the house so that it doesn't overwhelm me.  I also spend time every week organizing part of the house so that it doesn't overwhelm me.  I plan ahead - for weekends, vacations, unexpected snow days, and summer.  I'm getting caught up on doctors appointments.  I read good books.  I get outside.  I play my guitar.  I wear comfortable clothes.  I put on loud music and dance around the house.

When I go back and read old posts, the difference to me is striking.  The stress of trying to fit everything in comes flooding back.  I know that I will go back to work, and I want to for many reasons; but I can't go back to the way it was before.  There has to be a middle ground.  I will have to find a job that allows me to contribute at work as well as take care of myself and my family.  That's not for a while yet, though.  In the meantime, I'm going to get as much out of this time as possible.  I'm going to continue to make goals for myself and to enjoy this time with my boys.  I'll figure out the next step once it's time to take it.

photo by Alicia Bock

A Few Things...

photo by tania kindersley

There's a storm coming!  It's been a long time since we had a good old-fashioned blizzard, but it looks like we're going to get hit with a good one.  We might get a couple feet of snow!  I see lots of shoveling, sledding, hot chocolate, and movies on our weekend agenda.

I thought I'd share a few things here before heading to the grocery store to stock up...

I'm glad I'm not dead.  This article in the NY Times will make you smile and think of all those perfect moments in life.  It will also make you appreciate the less-than-perfect ones.

I just ordered a new bottle of facial oil.  It is the answer to my winter dry skin, and the smell is divine.  The perfect way to end each day.

The 30 Rock series finale was awesome.  What a fitting end to a silly and great show.

Article on being a happy mom of boys.  I still get the questions.  "Are you sure you're done? You don't want to try for a girl?"  It's insulting.  My family is complete, and I am so happy that the universe blessed me with two gorgeous, healthy boys.  I was meant to be a mother of sons.

Speaking of sons, my six-year-old made his first purchase with his own allowance money.  I think he made a very cool choice...

Sad, Anxious, and Grateful...

photo by erin kelley mccarthy photography

As I dropped off the boys at school this morning, I felt my heart climb back up into my throat and I fought back the tears that have been coming intermittently throughout the weekend.  I gave the boys hugs, told them I loved them, and watched as they went smiling and running through the doors of their schools.  I'm sure most parents had similar feelings this morning, as we all try to come to terms with the events that occurred at Sandy Hook elementary school in Connecticut on Friday.  It makes my heart physically hurt to think of the grief those parents must be facing today.

I am heartened, as we all are, by stories of the survivors.  The immensely brave teachers who hid with their students, who smiled at them and told them they loved them, who remained calm under extraordinary stress.  I also keep thinking of a picture I saw of a group of the first responders.  It was about four or five police officers, circled in a group hug, both crying and supporting each other.  (Oh there I go...crying again.)

I liked this article in the NY Times.  The "worried thought, brave thought" seems to be a solid approach for how to cope with all these thoughts.  I definitely find myself oscillating between the two.  Thankfully, my kids are too young and insulated to worry about these things.  I am a little anxious to find out if my kindergartener hears anything at school, but I'll deal with that if it happens.  Otherwise, there's no need for him to know just yet about the evil that exists in the world, and he certainly doesn't need to know that this horrible tragedy happened on his birthday.  His 6th birthday - the same age as so many of those little victims...

I really have to stop now.  I'm going to hug my boys tight this afternoon and continue to think about and pray for the families of Newtown.  I am going to live life and celebrate birthdays and have a happy Christmas, and I will feel more grateful than ever for all I have.

Finding a Rhythm...

Now that the school year is underway, the boys are comfortable with their new routine, and the major house construction is complete, I feel like I am able to come up for air.  It has been almost three months since I left my job, so I can compare the working life from this life at home.  I have a new perspective, which is a nice thing.  

When I was working full-time, every week, every day, every hour almost was scheduled in advance.  Laundry had to be done on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays.  We had to leave the house by a specific time in order for me to make it into the office to attend meetings.  The same thing in reverse at the end of the day, when I had to be in my car by a certain time or I was doomed to be stuck in traffic, late getting the kids, with no hope of having any time at all to make dinner.  Speaking of, dinners had to be planned and usually prepped in advance.  Weekends often filled up with chores and errands, but we also tried to fit in fun activities to do as a family - those often needed to be planned and scheduled in advance in order to make time for them.  And then there were all the other little things that cropped up - car repairs, dentist/doctor appointments, sick days...  We made it work.  It was exhausting, but I spent time every day making it work.  

It was the only way I had ever known.  I'd worked full-time since I left college 16 years ago.  After Aaron was born, we talked about my moving to part-time.  It lasted only a few months, at which time I was offered a new job and promotion, but it required me to be full-time.  I took it, recognizing that it was an opportunity I shouldn't pass up, and also recognizing that part-time wasn't really working anyway - I was simply trying to squeeze a full-time job into fewer hours and getting paid less.  So for five and a half years, I balanced the kids with the full-time job.  It was hard.  

Now I find that I have the luxury of time, and it is a strange feeling.  I find it almost unnatural.  I'm used to having a structure, a routine, and without one I find it more difficult to stay organized and on top of everything.  There is still much to do, and I do need a system.  I'm getting the house in order, and the organization is coming.  Knowing what my week looks like in advance is still helpful, even when it's full of school events, dentist appointments, and playdates.  

I also think about the future.  I do not plan on staying home forever.  Once both boys are in school, I will want to go back to work.  I will be very clear on what I want, though.  I will want a job from which I gain some satisfaction, and one that allows me the flexibility to prioritize my family first.  That shouldn't be so hard to find, right? 

In the meantime, I am cherishing these days at home.  I was able to volunteer to chaperone a nature walk with Aaron's kindergarten class yesterday.  The smile and look of pride on his face while I was there is something I will not soon forget.  It was important for me to be there, and I am so happy that I was able to be.  I'm going to continue to soak in these days while the boys are young.  I know they won't last forever.

A Few Links...

 

photo by Jamie at A Desert Fete

You're Not Special.  An awesome commencement speech given at a local high school.  You really must read this. 

Summer Guilt.  I feel exactly the same way.  I am so excited to be able to give my boys the gift of a fun and lazy August this year, and I'm looking forward to a long and hopefully sometimes boring summer of 2013. 

The Consequences of Caring.  I am fairly certain that very few of my blog readers will appreciate this one, but it's my blog and I love it.  Even if you don't have an appreciation for sports, perhaps you can appreciate the writing.  It's wonderful.

Audiobooks That'll Make The Family Road Trip Fly By.  My boys are too young for any of these selections, but this article reminded me of the long road trips we have planned this summer.  Purchasing a couple audiobooks is probably a good idea.  I am thinking Roald Dahl would make an excellent road companion.

2011 Recap

First, let me just say that I am generally not a fan of really long blog posts.  That said, sometimes I just can't help myself.  I thought I'd do a little summary of 2011, so I started looking through my blog.  Then I got a bit carried away.  Then I decided to include a picture for every month.  And that is how a really long post happens.

Here's a little month-by-month view of some of my 2011 highlights.  This was really fun to do, and I love that my blog helps me remember so many of the good things in my life.

January - We played in the snow, saw a crazy movie, and visited friends.

February - More playing in the snow, more movies, and a Civil Wars concert.

March - I cleaned up my blog reader, had an amazing spa weekend with one of my best girlfriends (we need to plan one for this year!), I turned 37, and we visited my family in North Carolina.

April - I hated Spring (April sucks in New England) and made peace with Spring. 

May - I started to learn to use my camera (and haven't made much progress since!), made a list of fun things to do over the summer, saw Joy Kills Sorrow in concert, and spent an awesome weekend in Maine.

June - We played in the rain, and we visited my family cottages on Lake Ontario.

July - My baby turned 2, good friends came to visit, I made lots of popsicles and ran through sprinklers, went to Walden Pond and walked through a wildlife sanctuary, and took a trip to my university town.  (July was a good month!)

August - We went to the farm, and vacationed in Italy!  Florence, San Gimignano, our villa with an awesome pool, a bonus stay in Paris...

September - We gave Summer its last hurray in Maine, learned more about Pearl Jam, and went on several dates.

October - We visited friends and the Bronx Zoo, saw Crooked Still in concert, picked apples, had fun at the Head of the Charles, dressed up for a costume ball, and went trick-or-treating with the cutest superheroes ever.

November - We spent a nice day in Cambridge and the Museum of Natural History, saw The Wooden Sky in concert, and went to Connecticut for Thanksgiving.

December - We made crafts, watched movies, celebrated my big boy's 5th birthday, baked cookies, went to the Boston Pops, welcomed family, played games, went out to lunch, did some shopping, and tasted delicious chocolate fondue on New Year's Eve.

I also discovered a lot of great music, saw some good movies, and read some memorable books.

Good-bye 2011!