The Spring Spiral

Every now and then, I fall into a spiral of chaos and inertia. I become unproductive, disorganized, and I struggle to prioritize and focus. I often don't know what causes it, and it is always challenging to find my way back. 

I've been in one of these states lately. There are many contributing factors, no doubt. Spring is such a busy time of year, especially for parents of school-aged children. Baseball and soccer practices and games, piano recitals, school chorus and drama performances, parent/teacher conferences, end-of-year parties and portfolio/field days, and the list goes on. Then of course there's work. I've been in a challenging role, and I'm in discussions regarding a transition. 

That all feels like a list of excuses, though, and really, I don't know what it is. What I've realized in the past is this: gratitude and presence is usually the way out. If I can organize myself around this seemingly small task - expressing gratitude each day - then I can do anything. It reminds me of that Navy Seal Commander who said we could change the world if we just made our bed every morning. I get that. 

So even though blogging is dead, and nobody reads any more, I'm going to get back to my little blog. Even if I'm the only one reading it. 

I've been spending a lot of time watching these guys. This fabulous group of boys is a ton of fun to watch.

Taking Stock

It's been a while since I've done one of these. Let's catch up...

Feeling - Motivated. I'm starting a new project at work, and although I don't handle change well, I'm determined to stay ahead of that anxious feeling this time. 

Watching - Superhero movies. We saw Black Panther last week, and watched Thor: Ragnarok this past weekend. Loved them both. (P.S. - I told the boys I want to be Hela for Halloween. Cate Blanchett is fabulous.)

Wearing - Sweaters and boots, boots and sweaters. It's winter. It's been a long, weird, wet winter, too, which has felt more like a very long spring. And I hate spring. I am certainly craving the warmer days.
Appreciating - Bad Yogi studio. I really like Erin's yoga classes, and they enable me to do yoga more at home. The classes are of various lengths, so I can choose what fits my schedule. I did a full hour on Sunday morning, but only had time for 20 minutes on Monday. More yoga makes for a happy Mary.
Eating - Lots and lots of veggies. Roasted. In Salads. Soups. I'm doing a good job getting my daily servings of veggies. (Which justifies my nightly dessert.) 
Reading - Kristin Hannah's The Great Alone. I adored The Nightingale, so I picked this one up right away. I'm about halfway through now, and it's keeping me up too late at night, because I don't want to put it down. 
Listening - Brandi Carlile, First Aid Kit, Glen Hansard, and Brian Fallon. I adore First Aid Kit. I'm watching the announcements for the Newport Folk Festival, and that's the name I want to see more than any other. 
Wanting - More time outside. The cold and dreary (but not cold enough for skiing) weather has been difficult. I need to get outside, take more walks, or hikes, something.
Anticipating - A trip to Costa Rica for Spring Break. Is it here yet?
Planning - Our trip to Barcelona in August, with a few days in London on the way home. 
Thinking - I don't spend enough time with my friends. And friends are important.  
Realizing - I turn 44 next month. 44. But then again, Cate Blanchett is 48, and she did this, so...
Loving- This weird phase of life, where I get to experience baseball games and superhero movies with my boys while I come to terms (or not) with my own age. 

A Little Nostalgia on a Winter's Day...

I'm not typically prone to nostalgia - I try to focus on the present. I enjoy thinking about the past, reminiscing, but I don't long to go backwards. However, I recognize that my perspective and this tendency to look back continues to increase as I get older. It's a strange thing, this whole business of aging. I notice the passing of time so acutely now. Each passing of a week, a month, a season. The start of another school year, another Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas. Then the long, cold, dreary January. 

I've never truly felt the optimism of January and the start of the new year. It does feel clean and simple and quiet, especially after the excesses of December; but it also feels like a bit of a let-down, and I'm never quite sure what to do with myself. I exercise, eat healthy, get outside as much as possible, and wait for it to end. 

This feeling has extended long into February this year. Possibly because we typically take a vacation in February, and we didn't take one this year. And so my waiting continues. It's been another weird winter in New England, without a lot of snow to entertain us and keep us outside. We did get some skiing in over the weekend, and I was reminded how much it improves my outlook on winter. Skiing and yoga and good books. 

Work has been good. Challenging and interesting and forcing me to think about the things I want to focus on. I am starting a new project, and as I've discussed at length before, I am not comfortable with change. Consulting is a strange business for someone who readily admits that, but I have made a tentative peace with being uncomfortable. The accomplishments and successes along the way motivate me, as does the opportunity to surround myself with smart and ambitious and interesting people. 

And so I work, and read, and do my yoga, and my mind wanders to previous winters, especially as I think about my boys and our experiences together. 

Nostalgia creeps in most, I think, when life is quiet. 

Far-away friends and other things for which I am grateful...

You know those friends who live far away, and who you don't talk to often enough, but when you do talk to them, it is as if no time has passed? Do you have those? I adore those friends. There's no need to spend too much time "catching up", and we can just dive into what's going on right now, and what compelled us to reach out. In fact, I'm going to make it a goal to call at least one of those friends tomorrow - on Thanksgiving - for no other reason than to tell them that I am grateful for them. 

Cy Twombly

I've been away from the blog for a long time. My sister mentions this every time we talk - "no updates on the blog, I see", she says. "Yes, I know", I say. I haven't forgotten, I miss it, I will come back... And then life goes on. And then it can feel difficult to come back, because what do I say? Do I need to fill in the gaps? I missed an entire season! All of our glorious summer! Most of our soccer-filled fall! But I've decided to let it go, to jump back in to what's going on now. 

Life is good. I have been working quite a bit, taking on more responsibilities and feeling good about what I'm accomplishing; but I did have the scales tipped way too far for a few months, and it has felt good to be able to come back up for air. I'm finding my balance again. It includes a decent amount of work, because I enjoy it; but it also includes time on my yoga mat, with my kids, listening to music, staying informed, and keeping up with my favorite entertainment (Stranger Things 2 was awesome).

And now the holiday season is upon us! I'm a little behind where I'd like to be, but I'll be fine. The shopping and the lists have begun. I've decided to take a break from holiday cards this year; mostly because I don't have any decent pictures, but also because it's nice to give myself a break. Maybe I'll be able to do more baking and cooking this year instead. I'd like to make some cranberry-orange marmalade again - it's my fave. 

But first, Thanksgiving. My favorite day of the year. Time with family and good food and movies and relaxing and gratitude. I'm grateful for so much. My funny and cute partner for life, my sweet boys who still cuddle at 8 and almost-11, my warm and cozy house, my strong body that requires more maintenance these days but still gets me where I need to go... I have so much. Regardless of whether or not you celebrate Thanksgiving where you are, I hope you all take a minute to give thanks. And I'll see you back here soon. I promise. 

Taking Control...

Several weeks ago, on a regular evening after work and school, I casually mentioned to Aaron that he should practice the piano. He put his head down on the counter and started to cry. Taken aback, I asked him what was wrong. He said, "It's too hard!" Evidently he was a bit overwhelmed by the piece he was learning, so he was intimidated to start. I listened, and then explained that he should break it down into smaller, more manageable parts, and not get hung up on what the teacher wanted him to accomplish before next week's lesson. After some back and forth, we sat at the piano together and got started. He's still tackling that beast, and I'm so proud of him for not giving up.

After this conversation, I realized that I needed to give myself the same pep talk. I've been overwhelmed by the amount of work I've had lately, and in addition to sheer volume, there has been some challenging work as well. Spring is already a very busy time of year. Piano recitals, baseball games, chorus concerts, etc. It seems that every day has an event. I adore every one of these events, but it can be tough to find balance. When I get overwhelmed by my to-do list, it can be difficult to motivate myself and stay organized. It's much more tempting to check social media, read the news, watch TV...anything to procrastinate from the work I should be doing. Then, after being on my computer all day at work, I rarely want to get back online to do things like send personal emails or update my poor, neglected blog.

But I'm almost there. There are only two weeks left of school. I checked a few big items off my work to-do list, and I'm hoping the schedule will become a bit more manageable. I'm working to get my inbox and to-do list under control. I'm also learning to say no more often. I reminded myself that I do have a voice in how much I take on.

And so, with spring almost nearing its end, I am taking control and putting my priorities back in place. Then, I can enjoy life more fully. I can appreciate all those happy events and not feel distracted by everything else swirling around in my head. I can be more patient and attentive. I can be proactive and thinking towards the future. I can reach out to friends, make connections. And yes, I can update the blog.

Taking Stock - February 2017

How my boys feel about snow. Pure joy. 

I am...

Feeling - Overwhelmed. Life is too busy right now, and I'm not keeping all the balls in the air. 

Watching - We are all caught up on Game of Thrones. (When is season 7?!?  I'm going through withdrawals.) Everything else pales in comparison. Blackish does make me laugh, though - actually, it makes me laugh and think, which is pretty awesome.

Wearing - The same big Patagonia coat I've had for years. Big, warm, comfy, and necessary to survive walking around Boston in February.
Appreciating - Snowy days. They are so much better than the cold and rainy ones.
Eating - Chocolate-covered strawberries and dark chocolate hearts. It's Valentine's week.
Listening - Lots of new albums coming out right now. Tift Merritt, Nikki Lane, Ryan Adams. Also, the Grammy awards inspired me to listen to Purple Rain several times this week. I need to ensure that I am fully supporting the musical education of my kids.
Wanting - More time for yoga. Always.
Reading - I just received and promptly started George Saunder's latest, Lincoln in the Bardo. It's weird and fascinating and wonderful already.
Thinking - Manchester by the Sea might be one of the saddest movies ever. It's going to stay with me for a very long time.
Loving- The homemade Valentines I received from the boys. They both take such pride in presenting me with their creations.
Anticipating - A trip north next week for winter break. Skiing in Vermont! With our best friends! I can't wait!
Planning - A trip south to visit my mom and sister during spring break. I need to get it booked! (This is one of the many balls that I've dropped.)
Working - Too much. But really...working on tipping the scale back over to "balance".  Next week's vacation should help.
Wondering - If the next four years will all be like these last few weeks. And thinking about how I can avoid the news more, because it makes me anxious and sad. But then acknowledging that I need to stay well-informed. How can I do that and still say sane?

Hello...

Hello 2017!

I wish I felt quite as perky and optimistic as that sounds. I don't really jump into January - actually, I don't really jump into anything. I ease into things, I tiptoe. Sometimes I get pushed. 

I was happy to get some time over the break to truly unwind. After the Christmas fun, we had several days at home, just the four of us. Time to play games, watch movies, clean, organize, and watch more movies. I think we all needed it, although I wish I could say I felt refreshed and ready to start the new year. The days simply ran out and work/school started again, ready or not.

And so here I am, now a couple weeks in, with a whole new year ahead of me. I'm working to figure out my goals for the year, both personally and professionally. What do I want to be when I grow up? I may never know the answer to this question, and although I'm coming to terms with that, there are definitely people I work with who would prefer I have an answer. Honestly, I am really okay with the not knowing. I enjoy my work, I adore the people, I am learning, I am contributing...what more can I ask for? I've never been one to be motivated by title or money - I am not ambitious in that way. I should say, though, that sometimes I do look at people who know exactly where they want to go and are blazing the path to get there and I am envious. What would that be like?, I wonder. I'll never know.

I do love this time of year. After all the indulgence of the holiday season, January feels clean, motivating. I love all the cheese and wine and cookies in December - sooooo much, too much - and now it's easy to say that I'm done with them all for a while. And it's a good thing, too, because exercise hasn't been happening very regularly lately. 

My to-do list continues to grow so quickly that I'm having a hard time keeping up with just the task of maintaining it! Planning for the year on all fronts. On the home front, there's summer planning. Camp registrations, Drum renewal. Soccer. Baseball. Vacations. School events. Add work to that, and my head spins. 

I need more yoga. Always. Every time I find myself on the mat, I come away feeling energized, with a clear head and ready to take on the world. I haven't done any this week, but I'm looking forward to going to the studio tomorrow morning. 

We got a free six months of HBO, and we decided to watch Game of Thrones. After a couple episodes of learning the characters (so many storylines!), we were hooked. And we have six full seasons. After a few binge-sessions over the holidays, we've been watching one episode a night - we just finished season 3. It's a crazy, violent show, but it's such a fabulously complex story that's told so well. Now that I know what's going on, it's getting harder to avoid hearing spoilers, so I want to catch up with the rest of the world. It's going to take us another month or so...until then, don't tell me anything!

Happy January. Welcome 2017. Maybe by February I'll have my act together.

Ready or Not...

I love traditions. Even when they don't last very long, so many of my childhood and family memories are centered around these rituals, real or attempted. We had a "tradition" of having chocolate-chip pancakes for breakfast on Christmas morning, and even though I think we only did it a couple times before determining that a big, sweet breakfast only ruined our appetite for the remainder of the day; I still love the memory of piling on the whipped cream - they were happy mornings. Of course, it's also the rituals gone wrong that really stick in the memory - who could forget the year of the upside-down turkey? or of the extremely under-cooked pumpkin pie that my sister poured into the pan? These are the things we still laugh about, years later. 

We have so many traditions that life within our house feel so much the same every year between Thanksgiving and New Year's. I love these comfortable routines, and my boys look forward to them every year. We get the tree the weekend after Thanksgiving. We watch A Charlie Brown Christmas after decorating it. We bake and decorate cookies just about every weekend in December. We watch all the movies. We go see the Boston Pops' holiday concert. We eat lobster mac and cheese on Christmas Eve. The boys open one present that night (pjs or slippers). There are little differences that make each year unique of course, but the traditions are the reason Aaron has declared it his favorite time of year. I'm right there with him.  

At the same time, it's a busy time of year, and I am overwhelmed. I am too busy at work right now, and exercise isn't happening, which means I don't feel great and am less able to be totally present for all the good stuff. I also haven't been spending enough time with friends. I need some friend time. We went to brunch at some friends' house last weekend, and it was so refreshing to have a fun, social conversation and connect with people I care about. More of that, please.

We went to our company holiday parties, which were tiring but also fun. It's fun to have an excuse to get dressed up and go out. I bought this jumpsuit last year and took forever to get it altered (I think you need to be 6 feet tall), so this was my first time wearing it. I was late to the jumpsuit bandwagon, but I looooove it. It's so comfortable, and with heels and big sparkly earrings it's dressy, even though my legs are hidden. Love.

My son turned 10. It feels strange that I didn't record that event here yet - almost like it didn't happen. And yet, it did. He's 10. Officially a pre-teen I think, considering his relationship with his brother. (All of a sudden he has no patience for him.) He's a sweet and generous kid, though, and I'm proud of him every day. To celebrate, he had a few friends to sleep over at the house. It was fun to look at this group of boys and see the men they are becoming. So far, he's doing a great job choosing his friends.

Christmas is coming, ready or not. The cards are out, the packages to be mailed will be late this year but I know my family will forgive me; I have started the wrapping, but I haven't started the menu. Ah well, no matter...we will be ready enough when the time comes, and it will be wonderful. There will be a warm and cozy house, a tree with lights, two excited boys, good food, plenty to drink, and family with whom to spend time. Bring it on.

Thankful...

My boys

I say it every year:  Thanksgiving is the best day of the year. A day focused on family, food, and gratitude. What could be better?

I am thankful for so much.

I am thankful for the new snood my mom bought me in Charleston. We are calling it a "birthday present" even though my birthday is in March. It is so soft and warm and cute, and I will most likely wear it every single day this winter.

Speaking of Charleston, I am thankful to have spent four days in that beautiful city with my fabulous mom and sisters. It had been many years since the four of us had spent time together, without kids and spouses and general chaos involved. It was lovely. We walked, rode bikes, toured historic homes, visited a museum, did some shopping, ate a ton of really fabulous food, and laughed and really caught up with each other in a way we hadn't in years.

I am thankful for our sitter. She picks the boys up from school, takes them to piano/drums/soccer/etc, reminds them to practice their instruments and to be nice to each other, plays games with them, and generally makes my life better. Oh! And she also cleans my kitchen and tidies the house each day. Last week she took everything out of the pantry, cleaned the whole thing, and organized everything on the shelves. Amazing!

I am thankful for the times that my boys like each other. Unfortunately, it isn't all the time, but there's a decent amount of love in their love/hate relationship. I'm going to focus on the love. They play soccer, trade pokemon, make up silly games, have races... When they play well together, it's beautiful to see.

I am thankful for my cute little old house. It's warm and comfortable. It's home.

We are heading to Connecticut for Thanksgiving. I have been the host for many years now, but I'm handing the reigns over to my sister-in-law this year. I am thankful for my family, for yummy food, for the opportunity to spend time together and enjoy each other's company.

It's Close to Midnight...

I've had this blog post sitting in my drafts folder for over a week now. I'm struggling with putting my thoughts into words for some reason. I have nothing profound to say, but I can't seem to calm my mind long enough to organize my thoughts. (Is this a symptom of technology addiction? Or of busyness? Whatever it is, I don't like it. I am feeling the need to head out into the woods in solitude.) So I'm just going to write as if I'm talking to a friend. If it's incoherent, well...a friend would laugh and then forgive me. 

Last week, I was walking through downtown Boston, heading from my office to meet with a client, and I was all dressed up in a suit and looking very cute and professional, if I do say so myself. It was a gorgeous and warm September day, and it felt great to be walking outside, even in heels. I looked around at the people in the Boston Common - it's as good a place to people-watch as the airport, maybe better. There were parents with kids, students, homeless people, older people taking power walks and doing tai chi and painting, and other professionals like me, walking quickly in business attire. It made me think about how I wish I interacted more with people who are different from me. It also made me think about how I must look to those around me - a professional woman in her forties. Is that me?  I suppose it is, but it somehow often surprises me to realize it nonetheless. There are definitely times when I can own it, and other times I feel like I'm faking it. I feel more comfortable dancing like an idiot with friends, trying to remember the dance moves to 'Thriller'. Does everyone feel this way? I am sure the answer must be yes. Right?

Meanwhile, outside of work, we've all been way too busy, with soccer and baseball games and birthday parties and fun with friends. (Seriously, though - dancing with friends to all our 80's favorites? A really good time.) It's all been great fun, but it has left us tired and craving time to be still, to contemplate, to sit on the couch and watch movies we've seen 100 times before. This weekend, we still have soccer and baseball, but our Saturday night is wide open. The couch beckons. 

I'm just going to leave this right here...

Taking Stock - September 2016

Saturday mornings

Watching - Lots of soccer and baseball. Saturday soccer, Sunday baseball. I love watching my boys play.
Wearing - Dresses. I've been taking advantage of the warm weather by baring my legs more often. I know that boots and sweater weather is on its way. This may be the most comfortable dress I've ever owned. 
Loving - Our Halloween costumes. Yes, I already have them. I'm a planner, and it's fun to get excited. 
Eating - Salads every day at lunch. Small dinners. Ice cream. Raisin toast most mornings for breakfast - I'd like to have a healthier option there. I don't like overnight oats, but maybe there's a slow-cooker option that would make sense to try over the winter? Any of you have a suggestion?
Listening - A couple nights ago, Aaron asked me who Bruce Springsteen was. I sighed and realized that I am failing as a parent. We've been playing Bruce since then. Also - Letters to Cleo has a new album coming out, and we have tickets to see them next month (yay!). And a decent amount of Sleater-Kinney, inspired by my reading of Carrie Brownstein's book.
Wanting -  Sweaters. It's almost sweater weather! 
Reading - I will do a Recently Read post again soon. I just started The Life Intended.
Enjoying - My morning yoga. I've started to fall out of habit again, and I'm not sure how much I will be able to keep it up, but I love it so much. 
Drinking - A lot of water. I'm finally back in the habit of carrying my water bottle around at work. It's amazing how much more I drink when I bring it. 
Thinking - That I'd like our election to be over. It feels so terrible that nobody is happy with our choices this year. In previous years, I always had an opinion, but I wasn't scared if it didn't go my way. This time, I'm legitimately afraid. And not all that excited the other way either. 
Appreciating - My new sitter. In addition to watching the boys after school, she is also helping me out around the house. She's wonderful, the boys like her, and I hope she stays for a long time. 
Planning - School-year activities. I have most registrations complete, and the calendar updated. Baseball, soccer, piano, drums (!).  I need to update the calendar with the school events, and then I can start thinking about the next vacation. And of course the holidays are rapidly approaching. SO much planning this time of year!
Feeling - A little anxious. I start at a new client next week. New relationships, new commute, new project... Lots of newness can intimidate me. 
Working - At being more patient. When I'm going through a change, I lose patience much more easily. I have to remind myself that the boys are going through a transition too - new teachers, new processes, new classmates, new teammates... We all need to allow ourselves time to settle in.
Wondering - When we can go see a movie in the theater again. This is the time of year that good movies start coming out. I know I want to see this one.
Finishing - Stranger Things. Such a fabulous blend of X-Files sci-fi weirdness and 80s nostalgia. The kids make the show - but Winona Ryder is pretty fun to see, too. It's very fun. 

Stranger Things

Catching Up...

Just like that, summer is over. It was fun and full and memories were made, and yet part of me wishes it had been slower and included more quiet moments. Getting into the school-year routine almost feels like a bit of a relief. I need more time at home. Thoughts to consider as we plan for next year. 

The boys are a couple weeks into the new school year, and we're settling in. My sister-in-law noticed our calendar on the wall and commented that every single day has something written on it. I sighed. School, sports practices and games, music lessons, birthday parties, gatherings with family and friends... It all adds up. I've found it actually requires effort to plan for those free afternoons or weekend days when we can relax. 

I said to my husband just the other night that I felt like the pendulum was swinging too far. Too much work, too much busyness, too much stress. Not enough me-time. I'm going through another transition at work, starting at a new client - one with a bad commute - and that's already a stress. I'm also taking on more responsibilities, and I'm worried I may be taking on more than I can handle. We'll see. I do know that I can push back and say no when I need to. 

On the positive side, I've been getting on my yoga mat more often, and I love it. I completed an eight-week yoga program over the summer, and I only missed the days I was in Europe. Other than those ten days, I was on my mat five days/week, and it felt amazing. I'm trying to pick up that rhythm again, also incorporating some cardio, because it has a profound affect on my attitude and ability to handle the daily stresses of life. 

I'm working on staying in the present. Balancing the need to plan for the future, reflect on the good times in the past, and savor the moment while the moment is happening. Always the challenge, always the desire. What's in this moment right now?  A moment to consider my thoughts, think about all of my far-away blog friends and family, my feelings about our life right now. Deliberately taking the time to think is a beautiful thing and one that I want to continue to do as often as possible. Expect to see me here more often again.

This and That...

Summer can't come fast enough. We are just about there. Actually, I guess we are already technically there, since summer started a couple days ago, and the boys wrapped up their school years yesterday. But there's one last baseball game tonight, and one week to go before Nathan's birthday and the start of our first vacation. Again...it can't come fast enough.

It's been a wonderful couple of months, but it has moved at a hectic pace.  We are all craving a change in routine. One that is quieter, and more open. Yesterday, Nathan asked me, "When can we have a day when we have absolutely nothing planned?"  "Sunday", was my reply. 

I haven't been able to stop thinking about the alligator attack at Disney. Just a couple months ago, we were sitting on that exact beach, and the boys played in the sand near the water as we waited for the movie to start. My heart literally aches at the thought of what happened to that little boy and what that family will have to endure for the rest of their lives. I can't help but think of the seemingly randomness of life. Why that little boy? Why not one of the thousands of others who have dipped their toes in those waters? Why not one of mine? (And my heart aches more.) 

I talk with fellow mothers about our children, making plans and decisions and exchanging stories. It's good to talk it out with people who get it. Parenting is hard, and we all want to get it right. I can second-guess myself, and I recognize that we are not always consistent with the boys. I think we're doing pretty well so far, but I will never let down my guard.

I need more yoga in my life. How to make it happen?  

I am going through a leadership program at work right now, and it has caused me to be very introspective. We get evaluated not only on the hard skills, but there is also a lot of focus on our personality types and history and understanding why we are the way we are and how that influences our decisions and perceptions and performance at work. It's interesting and eye-opening in many ways. 

Meanwhile, I am wrapping up my current project and will be moving on to a new client soon. Consulting is a difficult occupation for someone who is not fond of change.  

But before I start anything new, I will enjoy a week at the Cape with family. I can't wait to relax on the beach, close my eyes and feel the sun on my face, and listen to the waves. 

And before that, I will celebrate my Nathan, who turns 7 next week. (!)  We will have a gaggle of boys running around the yard playing all manner of sport and hopefully having a blast. I can't wait.  

I don't want to wish any time away. I am going to appreciate every moment, including tonight's last baseball game (coaching a team of 7-year-old boys has been the highlight of my spring). 

Summer is here!  Hooray!

Going For a Bike Ride...

When we went to Amsterdam a couple years ago, I had so much fun riding bikes around the city, and I vowed to come home and buy myself a bike. I haven't owned a bike since college. Well, it took a while, but I finally did it!  Kevin and I both bought ourselves bikes, and we went for our first family ride this past weekend. My legs feel great, and I'm excited to discover more local bike trails as we explore as a family. 

I LOVE my bike!  She has a big comfy seat, a handy basket, and she's bright orange!  

Springtime...

I don't handle things well when life gets too busy. I'm not as patient, I'm not as kind, I'm not as happy. Even when all the "busy-ness" is great stuff. Even when I'm focused on fun and important things. I end up ignoring other items, and life can get out of whack very quickly. And then I end up snapping at people because the kitchen counters aren't clean or socks are on the floor and "will you please just brush your teeth already!?!"...

Spring is a crazy time of year. I knew it would be hectic due to both boys playing baseball and soccer. However, I don't think we recognized or anticipated the other events taking place. My work has been demanding, particularly since I received a promotion. Kevin's has been busy as it always is, and he has also started traveling more again. And then we have the usual end-of-the-school-year activities. Field trips, piano recitals, portfolio days...  

I am not complaining, because it's all great. I just have to figure out how to enjoy it all more thoroughly. I'm trying to get enough sleep, which at this point means going to bed shortly after the boys.  I'm trying to get more (or at least consistent) exercise, too, which means getting up early.  I've been trying to alternate sleep days vs. exercise days during the week - it's been working the last couple weeks. Five-minute meditations are never not worthwhile. I've also been working to keep the house in some sort of order. A messy kitchen makes for a very grumpy Mary. 

Most importantly, I'm working to be truly present. Life is full of really great moments, and I want to savor every single one.

Catching Up...

Hello!  Yes, I'm still here. Busy, busy, of course, and finding it difficult to spend time outside of work in front of a computer. But I'm here.

The above picture is what our backyard looked like on Monday, the first full day of spring. After a wet and weird winter, spring decided to greet us like this. I'll admit, I found it pretty funny. I thought the boys may be excited about the thought of one more day of sledding or building a snowman, but they had zero interest. They are done with winter and ready for warmer weather, just like the rest of us. Most of the snow has melted now, and the cold and rainy days of spring are upon us. Meanwhile, I continue to look forward to our upcoming trip to Florida. 25 days and counting!

Both boys are getting ready to start their spring sports season, with both playing baseball and soccer. As practice and game schedules start to get announced, I realize that we are in for a very busy spring. I also find myself very excited about it. I love watching my boys play. Aaron went through his first tryouts for baseball, and although it was to determine which level he would get assigned to (as opposed to making it or not), I was very proud of how he handled it, and he was excited to make the upper level.

It's March, which means we are watching a lot of college basketball.  Go Tar Heels!

In-between basketball games, we've been watching the latest season of House of Cards. So weird and creepy and disturbing, and yet I have a hard time looking away.

I am dismayed at the increased amount of time required to maintain my appearance as I get older. The gray is relentlessly coming back, and I find I have to color at ever-shortening intervals to keep it at bay. And hair removal! My legs, my eyebrows, and depressingly, my chin - why?  I sigh and remind myself that this is as good as it will ever get, so I should appreciate it, and I do. I pluck those eyebrows and do my sun salutations and slather on lotion and give thanks for my strong working body.

I have thoughts every now and then where I question why I continue to keep up this blog. Very few people read it, and I am finding it difficult to spend time here lately. The world of blogging has definitely changed over the years, and more people use Instagram and Pinterest and Facebook for a lot of the content they used to capture via their blogs. But I still love it. It's my own space, not cluttered with anyone else's images or thoughts. 

I was thinking the other day about how I wish I had kept journals when I was younger. I was trying to remember the name of someone or what year something happened, and I realized my memory is pretty terrible. I have family photo albums that I started in 2006, when Aaron was born, and I have this blog, which started in 2008. I have fun looking back at pictures and my thoughts during those early baby years up to now. I wish I had the same amount of detail from my college years, or when I got my first job, or when I met my husband...  I remember the important things of course, but the fun little details sometimes get lost. I try to be a forward-thinking kind of girl, but it's also nice to reflect on our lives and admire the beauty within them. 

And with that, I will leave you. I would love to promise to be here more often in the coming weeks, but I can only do what I can do. Until next time...

This and That...

Kevin got me a standing mixer for Christmas. I've always wanted one, and I can't wait to try it out for something more complex than chocolate chip cookies (although it's also a dream for chocolate chip cookies!). I went back and forth on what color to get - I'm so indecisive sometimes, it's scary. Part of me wanted to get white or silver, to keep it simple and classic. The other part felt that there's a reason they come in such fun colors, and why not mix it up? So I went for it, choosing this happy light blue. It's another burst of color in my kitchen, and it makes me happy. 

I've been feeling very nostalgic lately. This is not altogether unusual, but it's increased recently due to the return of the X-Files, my favorite TV show from the 90s, and the announcements of reunion tours and new music by both Belly and Letters to Cleo, two of my favorite bands from the 90s. I think I will probably have to come to terms with the fact that I will continue to see anniversary announcements that take me back - Throwing Muses' "The Real Ramona" just turned 25, the Challenger exploded 30 years ago...  

The boys were on vacation last week. Typically, we'd take the week to head north to go skiing, but we weren't able to take the time this year due to our many other upcoming vacation plans. So we stayed home. Kevin and I worked, and the boys stayed home with a sitter. They enjoyed a break from their usual routines, but I admit it was a little strange to have them home while we left for work. It feels good to get back to the usual school routine this week. 

Less than two months to our first actual vacation of the year, and I can't wait! I have our Disneyworld itinerary, including all reservations, all set and ready to go. If it rains...well, we'll just put on our ponchos and go! (But fingers crossed for decent weather, because I need some sunshine!)

We had family visit us last weekend, which is always good and nice to connect, especially those that you don't get to see very often. Life is good. We're working hard, learning, reading, singing, playing... The weather has been dark and cold and wet - mostly a miserable winter this year, and it can be difficult not to get dragged down by it. Things that are helping me lately include good books, card games, college basketball, and family visits. Reminders that it's really all about the little things.

Anything, but Not Everything...

I said to myself - over and over again - that when I went back to work, I was not going to fall into the same crazy and over-stressed routine that I had been in before. For the most part, I've been successful. I'm busy, but I've generally felt okay about the balance. Lately I've been taking on more at work, because there's that part of me that wants to achieve and be recognized, and also because the tasks I've been taking on are interesting and important to me. Most importantly, I felt like I had the capacity to do these things. 

I was recently asked to take on something else, and I hesitated. It is so difficult to say no, but I felt like I had reached my limit. If I took this on, something else would be sacrificed. It was uncomfortable, but I ultimately said no. I immediately felt guilty about it, and I've felt guilty ever since; but I continue to remind myself that I can't do it all. At least not at the same time. Perhaps the next time this opportunity comes up, I'll be able to step up, but not now. 

It can be hard to accept this type of self-imposed limitation, especially in my business. A business full of young, ambitious people. But I think I am (mostly) at peace with it. I have other priorities in my life. I will work hard, but I will also ensure that there is room for everything else. There is so much more to life than work.

Taking Stock - January 2016

photo via classy girls wear pearls

What I am...

Watching - We finished Making a Murderer over the holidays. It didn't make me believe Steven Avery was necessarily innocent, but it sure did get me all enraged about the justice system. Since then, quite a lot of football. Go Patriots! (But only because the Bills didn't make the postseason.)
Wearing - Jeans, sweaters, and boots. Slacks to work. Easy, comfy, warm. But still cute. At least that's the goal.
Loving - My boys, even when they fight all day long and generally drive me crazy.
Eating - Tons of chocolate-chip walnut cookies. And kale, to balance things out.
Listening - Lots of Adele and Glen Hansard at the moment. Nathan is decidedly NOT a fan of Adele, and he's declared "Hello" to be his least favorite song ever. Well then. Maroon 5 seems to be more his speed. To each his own.
Wanting - New earrings. I only have a few pairs, and although I've never been big on jewelry, I do enjoy wearing a little something on my ears.
Reading - Well, I've already posted what I've finished.  I'm currently reading a book of short stories by Colum McCann called "Thirteen Ways of Looking".  Next up:  The Nightingale. (I've heard great things.)
Enjoying - The Martian movie. It was good, but I'm sure I would've enjoyed it more if I had not read the book. They left out a bunch! But it was fun and well done and who doesn't love Matt Damon?
Drinking - A lot of sparkling water. Kevin and I are taking a break from alcohol for the month of January. It feels good, but it's harder than I expected.
Thinking - That our election cycle is waaaaay too long in this country. Can we all vote now and get it over with?
Appreciating - The fact that my boys are old enough to clean toilets now. They do some cleaning every weekend, and it makes me happy. They shoveled the driveway yesterday too! Nice.
Planning - Vacations! We have three major vacations planned for this year, and they are all booked! Disneyworld, Cape Cod, and Dublin/Barcelona. A lot to look forward to.
Working - To incorporate more yoga into my week. I'm in a good phase. I did 30 minutes before work this morning, and my shoulders feel good.
Feeling - Pretty good about everything in my own life, which makes me feel like I should be doing more for others.
Noticing - It's been a mild start to Winter again this year, but there's talk of a storm this weekend.
Wondering - Is it going to be another Winter like last year?

A New Year...

I enjoy this time of year. Similar to September and the start of a new school year, there's a feeling of renewed optimism. A clean slate. An opportunity to both reflect on the year before and make goals for the new year.  

When I think back to 2015, I think of family and work and our routines and rituals. There weren't many big momentous occasions or adventurous trips or home renovations or life changes. We did have a few fun trips, including The Dominican Republic to celebrate Kevin's 40th, and San Francisco in the Fall. I do love going on adventures with my boys. Mostly, though, Kevin and I continued in our work, the boys continued in their school, we enjoyed our many traditions... It has been relatively stable and consistent, which suits me just fine. I'm not big on change.  

I turned 41, and I must say that 41 felt like a more difficult transition than 40 did. Turning 40 felt anti-climactic - I felt the same! However, I felt like I aged tremendously this year. Forty-one brought more obvious (to me) physical changes, and I feel now that I am solidly in my forties. I'm (mostly) okay with this, but I can't say I was totally prepared for it. 

Now that January is upon us, we are in planning mode for the coming year. We are doing some of the same things that have become annual rituals, such as Newport, and we're adding some adventures as well.  Disneyworld! I'm excited. Work continues, school continues - Aaron will be entering his last year at his current school. Work on the house is complete, but of course there is a never-ending list of home improvements to be made. I am feeling the usual start-of-year motivation to eat clean and exercise, although I refuse to cleanse or cut anything out completely. Brownies are too yummy and life is too short.  I appreciated this post on New Year's resolutions:  Be Good, Most of the Time. 

So life chugs along, steadily, too quickly at times. I enjoy both the looking back and the planning for the days ahead. I'm optimistic and feeling good about where we are. Happy days.