I'm no good at change. Uncertainty makes me uneasy, and I get cranky when I'm uncomfortable. I have always worked hard to maintain routines, keep to-do lists, prepare for things way in advance, and otherwise do everything I can to stay ahead of the game and avoid uncertainty as much as possible. In some ways, this craving of stability is not a bad thing. It motivates me to stay prepared and organized. It also encourages me to make decisions rather quickly. On the other hand, this fear of change can keep me in situations for longer than I should.
All this to say...I've been cranky lately. I'm in a period of uncertainty, and I'm uncomfortable. I try to remind myself that we should all do hard things every day - that's how we grow and make necessary changes in our lives. It's true, and I can say it and acknowledge it, but it doesn't make things easier.
I start my new job on Monday, and things are changing. The boys are in school - and loving it, thank goodness. My husband is going to take over the morning duties and school drop-off. We've had to arrange after-school care. We've arranged a new piano teacher for Aaron, and Nathan starts soccer next week. I will be starting a new job and a commute into the city. I'm trying to move through the list of uncertainties and check them off as quickly as possible, but it all takes time. I don't know yet where I will be working, and I am reminded of one difficult aspect of consulting - the not knowing where you will be staffed next. I've just got to embrace that.
It's all good. I know we're on the right path. I'm just very much looking forward to settling down into our new routine. Fall feels like the right time to be embarking on a new challenge. It has always felt like the beginning of the new year to me. The crisp fall weather has finally arrived here in New England, and I continue to take deep breaths and know that with every day and every decision, we're one step closer to achieving that new normal.