It has been so long since I've posted here. I've thought about it, but I somehow couldn't get the words out. We are in a time of transition, and that has made it difficult for me to formulate my thoughts in any coherent way. We came home from our amazing vacation - the boys keep asking me when we are going to go back to Amsterdam, amazingly not remembering (or caring about) the weather but only that we had a ton of fun. We spent a few days at home, doing laundry and trying to organize ourselves, and then the new school year began.
I have found myself oscillating wildly between good moods and bad. I am not one who can get over moods easily. I generally have to wait them out, reminding myself that this too shall pass. I caught another cold - this time a bad one - on the flight home, and I am not a good sick person. I mostly just want to lie on the couch and be left alone. I managed one afternoon of this, but then I had to pick myself back up again. Being a mom doesn't stop.
Then came the first day of school, and especially since it was Nathan's first day at the same school as Aaron, it was exciting and so much fun. It was a great day, and thankfully both boys are happy to go to school every day.
We managed one last trip of the summer - a weekend down in New York, visiting our good friends. My moods followed me there, but we always have a great time with them, and this was no exception. This week, I've been focused on tackling my to-do list, getting as much done as possible before my return to work, which is rapidly approaching. I've done the shopping, organized the pantry, taken one car in, the other goes in tomorrow, I've cleaned and organized and updated the calendar... And behind all this is the underlying stress of not yet having a sitter lined up to watch the boys after school once my job begins.
I haven't had time or energy to even think about the job. My first day is a week from Monday, and I don't feel ready. I hope I will be when the time comes, though.
As I drink another much-needed sip of wine, I realize that I'm probably still not expressing my thoughts in any coherent way. Rather I'm just giving you the run-down of what's been going on. That's okay too, I suppose.
Painting by Cy Twombly
Hello you! I have emailed as this post requires further dissection but - good to see you back and I hope things become clearer. I am sure once you start work it will all fall into place, and if it doesn't you'll see that the bits you were worrying about are actually less important than you thought! Lou x
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