Sad, Anxious, and Grateful...

photo by erin kelley mccarthy photography

As I dropped off the boys at school this morning, I felt my heart climb back up into my throat and I fought back the tears that have been coming intermittently throughout the weekend.  I gave the boys hugs, told them I loved them, and watched as they went smiling and running through the doors of their schools.  I'm sure most parents had similar feelings this morning, as we all try to come to terms with the events that occurred at Sandy Hook elementary school in Connecticut on Friday.  It makes my heart physically hurt to think of the grief those parents must be facing today.

I am heartened, as we all are, by stories of the survivors.  The immensely brave teachers who hid with their students, who smiled at them and told them they loved them, who remained calm under extraordinary stress.  I also keep thinking of a picture I saw of a group of the first responders.  It was about four or five police officers, circled in a group hug, both crying and supporting each other.  (Oh there I go...crying again.)

I liked this article in the NY Times.  The "worried thought, brave thought" seems to be a solid approach for how to cope with all these thoughts.  I definitely find myself oscillating between the two.  Thankfully, my kids are too young and insulated to worry about these things.  I am a little anxious to find out if my kindergartener hears anything at school, but I'll deal with that if it happens.  Otherwise, there's no need for him to know just yet about the evil that exists in the world, and he certainly doesn't need to know that this horrible tragedy happened on his birthday.  His 6th birthday - the same age as so many of those little victims...

I really have to stop now.  I'm going to hug my boys tight this afternoon and continue to think about and pray for the families of Newtown.  I am going to live life and celebrate birthdays and have a happy Christmas, and I will feel more grateful than ever for all I have.