I have started this post about nine times. Sometimes it's hard to calm my mind long enough to express a thought, so I'm just going to dump some of it out here and see if we can sort out the mess together, okay?
I've been feeling old lately. I know, I know, but there it is. Just as if your kids can somehow seem to "grow overnight", it seems that we can encounter days where we feel like we've aged overnight. At least I have. Little things like noticing the looseness of skin on my cheeks and eyes. My stomach is also not what it used to be. I'm not complaining, truly - I'm strong, I'm healthy, I'm comfortable in my body. But it's weird to notice the changes along the way.
I've also been feeling a little old at work, so I've been adjusting there as well. I'm at a point where some of the people above me are now younger than I am. I read an article recently about "resume mistakes that make you appear old" and realized I did several of them. (I honestly didn't know you were only supposed to put one space after a period now. When did this happen?)
I've made several updates to my wardrobe, and now I'm trying to stop. I may own too many pairs of black shoes, but I still don't have the perfect pair of work loafers or boots. I haven't found that trench yet either. But I'm enjoying my new outfits, and I'm having fun getting dressed up for work.
Halloween was fun, and although an illness forced us to change our plans, the boys still declared it "the best night ever"! Aaron was Dustin Pedrioa (Red Sox player) and Nathan was Raphael (teenage mutant ninja turtle). They got giant bags of candy, ate themselves silly, and fortunately traded more than half of it (almost all for Nathan) for books the next day. I had the goal to be done with it by today, and with only two lollipops left for Nathan, I'll call that success.
Last night, we went out to dinner and a Noah Gundersen concert. We were both tired, in the way that a cold dreary weekend with a time change will make you tired, but it was worth it. It was good to get out of the house, to connect with Kevin, to hear beautiful music. Of course, today I am now tired in the way that a late night on a school night will make you tired. Still...worth it.
I need to find more me-time in the schedule. It's always the first thing to go, isn't it? It's getting harder to get up early to exercise, and I'm not finding those quiet moments to recharge. I have to figure out how to schedule and preserve those. At the same time, I want to plan more time with friends. I don't want to fall back into the situation of being crazy busy all the time without being deliberate about how we're spending that time. I know stuff has to get done, but...priorities. Time with the boys, family, friends, taking care of ourselves, having fun. Living life. After all, we're getting older every day.
Hello! I have been thinking about this since I read it yesterday - mainly because you have never commented before about the visual ageing process so I thought it was just me who had these thoughts! I am right there with you my fellow 40 year old. I know we are meant to embrace the whole thing and see that wrinkles and less taut skin in crucial places is what life's rich tapestry is all about. HOWEVER there is something in me that thinks: whaaat?? I don't like it. I was quite happy how I was at 36. I think 36 is the mystical age of looking great before the ageing starts! Now I can see that one can only look good 'for one's age' which is irritating. And I worry about being one of those women who from the back looks young (long hair etc) and then who turns around and there is that moment of reconciling - ahhh it's an older lady. Hmmm. Vanity? Yes I guess so. I want to love getting older and celebrate its richness but honestly - so far - I am not much enjoying it! Maybe the epiphany comes at 50?! L x
ReplyDeleteYour butt, stomach and thighs look better than mine ever have or ever will. You are beautiful in every way and I appreciate the honesty of this entry. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI needed to read this today. I don't have any wise words of wisdom, but I understand. I think it's a hard time--really sure of myself and my beliefs but I am also feeling very unsettled. For me, it's how I felt as an awkward teenager, not comfortable in my skin.
ReplyDeleteThis post. So honest and good. You looked fab in August. I'm confident nothing has changed. Today i was talking to girlfriends about how we look back on old pix (hs, college, pre-kids, new baby years) and wish we would have appreciated how young we looked at the time...in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, 50 years...we'll be doing that as we view photos from today. This is a funny time in life...we gotta try to own it, and also hydrate and use eye cream and get enough sleep and eat kale...but mostly own it. xoxoxo
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